Stepping back into the unknown by Arne Rubinstein
A flight across the ocean has always been a powerful opportunity for me to reflect on where I am at in life. And my recent 14-hour journey to Canada, in a middle seat directly in front of the bathrooms, offered me little sleep but plenty of time to consider the enormity of what was happening.
This less-than-comfortable flight was the beginning of 11 weeks in Canada, the US, Costa Rica and Guatemala. I’m spending time with my sons Jarrah and Jaden, running a Rites of Passage Leadership Training in Costa Rica, attending a workshop at Esalen Institute in California, going to Burning Man and exploring what it’s like to adventure through all this with the beautiful, big-hearted Rebakah.
This trip is more than that though—it is a marker for a huge transition in my professional life as I radically change my role in The Rites of Passage Institute (ROPI), but more on that shortly…
My time as CEO of ROPI has been the culmination of over 30 years’ work in this area. It’s been such a huge journey, which started back in 1993 when I attended the Standing Up Alive workshop for men, facilitated by Rein Van De Ruit, Yaro Starak and John Allan—all of whom went on to mentor me in different but profound ways.
Shortly after, I was privileged to be asked to be a facilitator for the first boys and fathers (or mentors) program called ‘Boys at the Crossroads’. Something meaningful happened on that retreat and I witnessed a transformation in the lives of all who attended, including myself. It was the spark that ignited my passion for exploring Rites of Passage.
Throughout the 1990s, I worked to set up annual programs in the Byron Shire whilst still working as a doctor in both General Practice and Emergency Medicine. I found other men from around Australia who were running similar programs and in 2000, we set up The Pathways Foundation.
That same year, I had the great fortune to buy 140 acres of beautiful bushland in the Byron Shire, which has come to be known as YarraKoora. This is where I not only live but where we have created a campsite where many thousands of people, young and old, have come to experience their own personal life-changing Rites of Passage. It is a special place.
As Founding CEO, I was proud to lead The Pathways Foundation until 2009, from my ‘office’— a hammock out the front of the converted 1955 school bus I lived in. The idea was to have programs that were replicable and could scale around the country. Unfortunately internal politics in the organisation meant that I left.
An upside to this transition was the opportunity to take a year off and go to Tasmania to live with my sons and support my youngest son, Jaden, while he did his final year of school.
From 2010, I explored new ways of growing Rites of Passage work through different formats until the formation of the Rites of Passage Institute.
ROPI is different in that our focus is on teaching people the framework of a Rite of Passage and then encouraging them to set up their own programs in their own ways in their own communities—be that in their family, school, business or even just for themselves.
Of course, we continue to run camps at YarraKoora with our incredible team of facilitators, and we’re now helped set up programs in multiple schools, communities, families, businesses and even in Indigenous communities around Australia.
This and our Leadership Training work has spread into more than 25 countries, and we estimate around half a million people have now been impacted by what we have created.
Our vision of making healthy Rites of Passage mainstream again is still a long way off but like other ancient practices that have come into modern times—such as yoga, meditation and breathwork—we are optimistic that one day, well-facilitated and healthy Rites of Passage will not only be seen as necessary, they will be available for people of all ages.
While a lot of the focus in ROP work is on the transition from adolescence to adulthood, it is a process we visit throughout our whole lives. As I approach elderhood, I am reflective on how relevant the framework is in my own life transition right now.
I have realised for some time that my work life has become unsustainable and, at 61, I don’t have the same energy as I had 10 or 20 years ago.
l need to step into a new stage, to find out how I can continue to use my personal gifts and talents, my genius and spirit—all celebrated in ROP work—but in a different way from how I have been.
As I approach elderhood, I am deeply aware that it would not be healthy or appropriate for me to keep working in the way that I have been for so many years.
So does that mean that I am leaving ROPI and getting a new job or retiring? Definitely not, but I am making a transition and I have been exploring for some time now what that means.
Nearly 30 years ago, I wrote a model about the difference between Boy behaviour and thinking, compared to Healthy Man behaviour and thinking. In the past few years, I’ve been expanding on this to explore what Healthy Elderhood might look like.
What is Healthy Elder behaviour and thinking?
I am still in the research and exploration stage of this concept but some of the things I believe are:
- Healthy Elderhood is not about being in charge and running things. It is much more about mentoring and supporting those who are earlier in their life journey.
- It’s about a greater understanding of the value of relationships and time.
- It’s much less about having to be right and more about listening and seeking to understand.
- Healthy Elderhood is about letting go of attachment to expected outcomes, relinquishing control, and accepting that ageing and death are the inevitable outcome of this great adventure we call life.
So whilst I’d love to know and be able to share what I am going to be doing once I return from my travels, I really can’t say.
A caterpillar doesn’t know what it will be like to become a butterfly, a child doesn’t understand the feelings and emotions of an adult, and I don’t know what awaits me on the other side.
I do know I am stepping away from the more operational side of things at ROPI, and leaving that in the capable hands of our dynamic team. As an aspiring Healthy Elder, I will still be here—teaching, guiding, mentoring and listening.
It’s my belief that the lack of healthy Rites of Passage in our culture is the greatest underlying issue that has led us to a childish world leadership structure. Let’s hope this notion of Healthy Eldership catches on because a healthy, evolving society depends on it.
See you on the other side…