Scott is a former Olympic athlete and a doctor who joined the team a little over a year ago. In this chat, he shares from the heart about how he found this work in his search to be a better parent. He is now galvanised and inspired by the fundamental paradigm shifts that have become a kind of everyday magic on the camps he facilitates..
Scott, what initially drew you to work with our organisation as a facilitator?
When our second child was born my wife and I were both pursuing challenging careers while trying to raise children without any broader family support nearby. We were struggling and could sense that we needed to choose something to compromise on in our lives otherwise circumstances were going to select something and break it for us on our behalf. At the heart of this feeling we also sensed we weren’t being the kind of parents we wished to be but instinctively knew we weren’t willing to compromise on family, so I made the choice to step out of my medical career and into the role of primary parent.
To be perfectly frank, I found this change to be a deeply daunting task on a number of levels from the financial to the personal, but the simple fact that I suddenly found myself at home five days a week with an infant and a two year old and feeling that I was not at all an expert at this job was a really challenging experience.
This discomfort prompted me to read every parenting book I could get my hands on and eventually by chance I picked up a copy of The Making of Men [by Dr Arne Rubinstein].
I found this book spoke to a broader societal strategy in a way that really resonated with me not just on a personal level, but also in line with what I had witnessed working in the health system – namely the potential consequences of fractured and absent community.
This was refreshingly different from the focus on in-the-moment tactics that many of the parenting books I was reading at the time had (although those tactics were very helpful of course!) and out of the blue I reached out to Arne who was kind enough to spend some time talking to me about the organisation and its values before inviting me to participate in a training course which I subsequently completed.
Eighteen months later the timing was right for our family and I stepped into my first camp experience, things have never really been the same for me since then.
How has your relationship with the company evolved since you first started?
When I first began I had zero personal history in this setting or work and I felt like a complete outsider in nearly every way.
Just making it to the camps at that time in our family’s life was often logistically challenging to the point of exhaustion but I followed the core worthiness I could sense at the heart of the company’s work and just kept showing up, even if at times I was really limping across the line just to make it there.
The company sensed my growing connection to and enthusiasm for the work and have since been incredibly welcoming and supportive along the way. The senior staff from essentially all divisions of the company including the women’s processes and the administrative team have deftly taught, mentored and guided me into a position as a lead facilitator with the men’s process, but more than this they have also grown to become trusted personal friends whose presence I value not only in my own life but in the lives of my family as well.
What values of our organisation resonate most deeply with you personally?
There are two main values that really stand out for me. Firstly it’s the way every person is viewed as having a deep intrinsic value that they can contribute to a healthy community across all stations of life – whether they be young people discovering who they wish to become, grown adults embodying their life work or elders contributing their precious wisdom and support to facilitate the transition of life stages for those that walk behind or alongside them.
Sometimes I find it helpful to compare these values to what I feel at times may be lacking in broader society, and the stark contrast of respectful, almost reverential community building in this work vs the often desperate and aggressive individualism frequently amplified by social media and popular culture really highlights to me the extent to which community building is needed right now.
Authenticity is the other value that is critical for me and I greatly appreciate witnessing the facilitation staff ‘walk the talk’ with participants, their deep integrity gives me the confidence in the company to continue giving my time to the work and witnessing the facilitators strive to be the best version of themselves through the work is beneficial for me personally as well as the participants.
Could you share a moment from camp that fundamentally changed your perspective on the work we do?
There are so many magical moments, but there is one that keeps repeating itself over and over across the camps and never fails to fill me with fierce hope and love: when a young man feels truly seen and valued by a key man in his life and for the first time steps confidently out in front of a community and states the kind of person he intends to grow into.
I find myself galvanised and inspired every single time I witness this and can’t help but feel that witnessing the path from beginning to end for the camp participants is often its own little form of magic – so much is achieved in such little time.
Tell us about a time when you witnessed a breakthrough moment for a participant that still stays with you today?
One morning on a camp I woke early to exercise before the activities of the day started and I found a father sitting alone in the moonlight contemplating the powerful realisations he had experienced about his son, himself and his own journey throughout life while undergoing the processes of the camp.
We had developed a strong connection by this point and so to be invited to sit with him under a full moon in the stillness of the pre-dawn bush and listen to him share how his life was irrevocably changing and speak of the fundamental paradigm shift he was experiencing in real time was a gift to say the very least.
What has been your most challenging experience as a facilitator, and how did you overcome it?
On one camp the lead facilitator for my team fell unwell and was unable to continue in the role, requiring me to step into the vacated leadership space at a critical juncture of the program at a time in my development where I would not have considered myself ready to do so.
On reflection there were three key aspects to transmuting that experience from one of fear into one of growth and joy.
Firstly it was to really lean back against the beautiful support of the program staff who I could feel all wanted me to succeed not only for the good of the participants, but also because they celebrate each other as individuals and wish to see everyone grow on a personal level – they were my safety net and guidance without whom I could not have fulfilled that role successfully (nor could I in an ongoing sense now either).
The second was to draw on the examples of courage being demonstrated right in front of me by the boys and their accompanying men and to harness that bravery to step into my own fears and doubts, just as I was witnessing them do multiple times a day. Lastly I had to get out of my own way and permit myself to bring my own unique experiences and personality into the work rather than fixate on getting it ‘perfectly right’, whatever that is.
Needless to say, by the time that camp was completed I felt like I had been through my own rite of passage – a not infrequent sentiment expressed not only by the participant men, but also by staff. It’s incredibly affirming to both personally experience and witness in others the process of accelerated and profound personal growth thanks to these camps.
How have you seen our camps positively impact the participants beyond their time with us?
I have been fortunate to develop connections with a number of the participants over the camps and have had the privilege of hearing how life progresses for them back in the ‘real world’.
Hearing from those who have had the transformational experience on camp of being able to speak freely from the heart for the first time in front of a community of men without any fear of judgement or ridicule and how they have gone on to create that experience for others –whether through forming formal men’s groups or just ensuring that they conduct themselves in a manner that allows others to feel safely seen – is uplifting and beautiful to hear.
My view is that this work isn’t really about seeking to generate spectacle or driving attention through flashy results, it’s the small but powerful moments that occur within and between individuals, that if we are doing things right will be carried out into the world and spread from one person to the next through lived values and shared experience.
Can you share an example of how you believe our camps contribute to broader positive change in society?
Having thousands of people across all versions of the camps experience the process of marking life stages creates a foundation for them to not only more intentionally navigate their own lives, but to also be able to better understand others on their own journeys and to value the contributions from all members of society regardless of their life stage.
This practiced empathy can help break down the ‘otherness’ that can at times dominate the discourse between groups of individuals, regardless of whether the lines of distinction are drawn along generations, cultural backgrounds, gender, or any other group identity.
Our focus with these camps often rests on the young, which is of course appropriate, but after many years working with the elderly in the healthcare system I have a particularly sincere hope that through this work the foundations are continually laid for the Elders in our community to be able to step strongly into their valuable roles and for this to be seen and celebrated by society in a meaningful way.
What’s something you’ve learned about yourself through facilitating these camps?
Firstly these camps have really shown me that I myself was the beneficiary of a healthy rite of passage at a critical time in my life, although it was entirely through good fortune rather than any planning that this happened.
When I was 17 I met my mentor in a sporting coach and he guided me through my own rite of passage in Olympic sport. Sadly he died only four short years after our lives first crossed paths, but the echoes of his wisdom and the impact of his guidance are still strongly present in my life and thoughts today, some 20 years later.
Through my work with the camps I have learnt in greater depth the critical importance behind the process around those who have gone before guiding and supporting the ones that now follow. I openly speak of this with the Olympic athletes I in turn now mentor in my own life, emphasising that this athlete stage of their life will end and they too will be called on to guide the next generation, just as was once done for me and that I now do for them.
I recently received a photo from an athlete who was competing at a location that my mentor and I had spent a lot of special moments in and to hear her honour the memory of a man she had never met but had benefited greatly from was a magical moment that felt like the philosophy of the camps playing out in broader life.
On a more personally surprising note, despite having a life-long fear of singing thanks to an unfortunate music exam experience as a young child, the camps have shown me that in fact I love singing and am perhaps not quite as terrible at it as I had once thought!
How has working with our participants changed the way you approach challenges in your own life?
The camps provide a wonderful setting to meet people wherever they are at in their lives and to support them as they grow and change. I noticed I find it relatively effortless to hold the participants in unconditional positive regard and respond with compassion to any of their struggles in whatever form they arise, yet I realised I tend not to extend that same grace to myself during my own challenges.
Over the last few years the camps have mirrored this reality back to me and inspired me to be more self-compassionate during my struggles across all walks of life from professional efforts to parenting challenges. I have to say that while I still have plenty of work to do on that front, it has made life much more pleasant and a lot easier!
What’s something about the impact of our work that you wish more people understood?
Life stages do not wait and nor does nature adhere to any standard schedule imposed by common law. Maybe it’s as young as 12 or 13 or maybe it’s later in adolescence, but if a young person feels the call to begin the journey across into adulthood and there is nobody responsible there to guide them on that journey then they will create their own rite of passage – in whatever unstructured form that takes and often held by other peers who are as inexperienced in the ways of healthy adulthood as they are.
I suspect much of the youth trauma I witnessed in the healthcare system could have been different had these young people been valued, held and guided into young adulthood by present and loving adults who celebrated the gifts these young people had to offer to our society – and all of us have gifts to offer to society that are worthy of celebration.
